another one?

wow. one more surprise every week. i wonder what's next. allow me some peace and something more predictable in the near future i pray.

s

invert

6 more weeks. haha. now the fun begins.

s

demons 1,2 and 3

go go go away. i shall call you D1, D2 and D3.
you drain me, you suck me dry, leave me empty and crush me whole.
i've lived with y'all for 20 years of this forsaking life and it's gotten me to points over the edge.
yet you still wrangle with me over trivialities. i question myself on the well being of my own sanity, of my own nature and fortitude but deep inside, my own enemies mock me with slow acidic tongues and silent jeers. i've become my own nightmare, a scape of crevices dug questionably deep.

complicated? nah. simple? nah. i'm in no being of mind or body to drag myself or anyone for that matter. haha. i've heard it before. it's called help. help. help help. makes no matter. makes no difference. you dont know me anyway. you never bothered to try did you. your selfish well being was all you ever worried about. your self satisfaction was what reflected in your mirror everyday. and to think i spent days composing ways to dig you out of shit. funny how i never realised how deep my own shit was. i've grown so numb to the meaningless speeches and insincere gestures. it makes me believe we truly are alone on this miserable planet. belief? bah. faith? bah bah black sheep. i've neither in your words or ways of 'sanitisation'. pack your bags and leave. wait. i forgot, you already have left.

who am i? you don't really bother dont you. that's how this post is, meaningless to the eye, nonsense to the mind and bothersome to the soul. go back to your plane of dr. seuss's imaginations.

tsk tsk tsk

drama only seems to come after we've been set to move out. oh well. funny woman threatened to disturb the peace and commit suicide though. maybe she was trying to force the potential buyers of the land into giving us back our houses and keeping their money. but too bad, she was foiled by the scdf (think josh lim). back to our normal peaceful serene lives here.

spencer

creation/destruction

i just got back from my rendevous with ronald.
another one of those conversational meetings about everything under the sun.
God has really opened up my eyes to His works and i think ronald is testament to that work. in these 2 short years, he has changed remarkably and there's so much difference in him these days.
and amanda too. gosh. no words that i can think of can fully describe the difference in her.
they've gone through a lot and came out of all the crap so much stronger. oh Lord, how you've really aided me so much in my life as well. and through them i see even more potential of what i can do with you by my side. you've created me for greater things in your eyes and this is thus what i live for.

i feel the mistakes i've made i've yet to atone for and my pride still eats away at my throat, not allowing me to swallow fully. i've said too many things inappropriate and i think i've insulted too many. no matter the apologies, nothing changes right? perhaps. i'm overrated as it is. and i underrate too many. it weighs too heavily on me. wish it never occurred in the first place.

spence

out of plc into somewhere new.
far far away up north. these people ah. just cannot post me any nearer home.
oh well. 1 week down. 13 to go.

s

coincidence

people perhaps think that no one blogs here anymore. i dont blame them. its been pretty quiet for a while already.
einstein once said, coincidence is God's way of remaining invisible.
maybe its true how people start meeting one another and have long conversations about themselves and the things they're facing.
haha. i'm feeling old and mature.

s

food fare

equate your life to food and you'd have a multitude of variety to describe.
and so to say, i had a dozen durian puffs and a couple over-ripe papayas today.
and over the last 7 weeks, it seems like leftover curry everynight and an occasional dose of toasted baguette.

i've 4 more weeks to go. memorable, inspirational, sweaty. sounds like a chess game or maybe the champions league final. but this, THIS, nah, it ain't big. it ain't comparable. it's just another turns on my food-friendly life. maybe a kueh lapis on a long line of desserts, or perhaps a simmering plate of fried rice. but whatever it is, it can only be for me to go through, for me to define and for me to EAT. let the diarrhoea begin.

spence