sunday soothes
today's perhaps the most inspiring sunday i have ever lived through.
i've come to several realizations of late:
a) i'm a cynic
b) i've been hiding my true self behind some imaginary idiot for a long time
c) i never believed in myself
these are just a few things that have affected me for years and years. and yet, i've come to break out of this cycle since going to church.
power of God? most definitely.
since church, i've come to realise more significant changes in the way i behave.
i'm less of a cynic, i've become super duper uber sensitive, i've learned to love myself, and most importantly, i've learned to trust.
can you believe, me, spencer, used to be this small little boy, who enjoyed studying, who hated exercise, who was quiet and 'demure', neat and hated eating? never i s'pose although i think people who knew me in my Kindergarten years could testify to that.
and yet, as i grew up, i became a delinquent, a critic and an idiot (in my own words).
people used to tell me what a disappointment i've become to them and it'd just bounce right off me. i was literally immune to insults and the sorts.
and now, to the present day me.
i really started attending church in june for the family camp.
what made me do it? i'd no idea. why'd i do it? who knows.
but the after effect was amazing.
i was unmoved on the first day, but on subsequent nights, i just totally lost it and broke down time and time again. kor kors jason and caleb and jie jie san san prophecised to me on one particular night and it really took me not just by surprise but it melted my heart as well.
i couldnt understand why i felt the way i did, but it was a rush of emotion that really engulfed me, so much that i could literally feel my heartstrings being pulled and the pain was just so immense then.
as i begin to understand the way i felt, God poured more outta me, more emotion, setting loose the strongholds that were destroying my life, uncocking my soul and just softening my heart to see the works he has done in my life.
everytime i opened my heart, i could feel his glory, his warmth, his light.
and just last friday, i felt more, i felt a hand squeezing my shoulder while worshipping Him during p&p. it just melted me. the hand was warm and had the touch of a fathers within it and the love of a mothers. u could feel the love just from it. i know it was Him telling me that He was there and He was protecting me.
something else that has really changed is the expression of myself.
i used to feel that Jay doing stupid things was embarrassing and was always cynical towards it.
until i realised; that when i do stupid things, i'm letting myself loose, i'm enjoying myself, and i'm giving people something to laugh at.
people may not like Jay cause he tends to act gay. but i love him.
people may not like morgan cause he's successful. but i love him.
people may not like wei han cause he might seem full of himself. but i love him.
and why should i not love myself for the way i am too?
i love latin music and dancing to it, although i may suck.
i love soccer, but am not good at it.
i love writing, but i'm shy to let people read what i write.
and i shall express myself in these ways.
i may do stupid things to let myself go, i may be different, but i'm proud to be so.
i saw kor kor dwayne's shirt that day, and it simply read 'DARE TO BE DIFFERENT'
i dare,
spencer
i've come to several realizations of late:
a) i'm a cynic
b) i've been hiding my true self behind some imaginary idiot for a long time
c) i never believed in myself
these are just a few things that have affected me for years and years. and yet, i've come to break out of this cycle since going to church.
power of God? most definitely.
since church, i've come to realise more significant changes in the way i behave.
i'm less of a cynic, i've become super duper uber sensitive, i've learned to love myself, and most importantly, i've learned to trust.
can you believe, me, spencer, used to be this small little boy, who enjoyed studying, who hated exercise, who was quiet and 'demure', neat and hated eating? never i s'pose although i think people who knew me in my Kindergarten years could testify to that.
and yet, as i grew up, i became a delinquent, a critic and an idiot (in my own words).
people used to tell me what a disappointment i've become to them and it'd just bounce right off me. i was literally immune to insults and the sorts.
and now, to the present day me.
i really started attending church in june for the family camp.
what made me do it? i'd no idea. why'd i do it? who knows.
but the after effect was amazing.
i was unmoved on the first day, but on subsequent nights, i just totally lost it and broke down time and time again. kor kors jason and caleb and jie jie san san prophecised to me on one particular night and it really took me not just by surprise but it melted my heart as well.
i couldnt understand why i felt the way i did, but it was a rush of emotion that really engulfed me, so much that i could literally feel my heartstrings being pulled and the pain was just so immense then.
as i begin to understand the way i felt, God poured more outta me, more emotion, setting loose the strongholds that were destroying my life, uncocking my soul and just softening my heart to see the works he has done in my life.
everytime i opened my heart, i could feel his glory, his warmth, his light.
and just last friday, i felt more, i felt a hand squeezing my shoulder while worshipping Him during p&p. it just melted me. the hand was warm and had the touch of a fathers within it and the love of a mothers. u could feel the love just from it. i know it was Him telling me that He was there and He was protecting me.
something else that has really changed is the expression of myself.
i used to feel that Jay doing stupid things was embarrassing and was always cynical towards it.
until i realised; that when i do stupid things, i'm letting myself loose, i'm enjoying myself, and i'm giving people something to laugh at.
people may not like Jay cause he tends to act gay. but i love him.
people may not like morgan cause he's successful. but i love him.
people may not like wei han cause he might seem full of himself. but i love him.
and why should i not love myself for the way i am too?
i love latin music and dancing to it, although i may suck.
i love soccer, but am not good at it.
i love writing, but i'm shy to let people read what i write.
and i shall express myself in these ways.
i may do stupid things to let myself go, i may be different, but i'm proud to be so.
i saw kor kor dwayne's shirt that day, and it simply read 'DARE TO BE DIFFERENT'
i dare,
spencer
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home