toughy

it's been a rough few months. and it's caused a lil' friction here and there.

i'm grateful for the chances that i'm being shown and i'm trying to maintain the open-ness of every part of me. (from the eyes to the heart to the mind, etc etc etc..) i'm wondering if this renewed fondness for music that makes me wanna sleep is due to any of these.

but that aside, i'm just questioning myself over and over. God has been showing me more ever since and it makes me wonder why i even shut Him out for those moments in time. its almost as though i needed something huge to remind me of His grace. unsurprisingly, that slap; cold shower; wake-up call came. perhaps earlier than i expected but impactful all the same.

and it really made me realise the neglection i've given to the people i love and the hurt and grief i've caused them. only then, did i actually understand how much they meant to me. especially, you, you, you, you and you (for objectivity issues, i rather not mention names, though if you do approach me, i might tell whether its you, element of suspense that way =p). you may or may not know who you are, but you are the ones whom i undeniably caused the most harm to in the course of my actions. sorry? i dont believe it's even purposeful enough to be used here simply as a word. my actions will speak louder. i've prayed about it and i know what has to be done, i'm just hoping you (X5) see it.

1 little baby step at a time.

spence