getting a grip

to date, i cant come to terms with quitting.

i cant get a grip on what i allowed myself to do and the tonnes of paperwork i ended up getting stuck with. down to it, i dunno if i've failed someone close in particular, myself or worst, God.

but i question again, how can i fail God if He probably mapped this plan out for me? by feeling sorry for myself? by feeling lost and upset at how things have turned out? and then again, failing Him is not something i pride myeslf in doing. so what more can i be but contented, (and i mean true contentment from other things rather then some plastic outwardly expression of what one calls 'happiness'), unable to understand how things will work out, but knowing that they will eventually work out.

i have this funny new tuition student.. she's erm, taiwanese and i'm teaching her english, but she kinda erm, freaks me out a bit. am gonna needa get some english notes from jamEs to help me out. so if you're reading, msn me k?

i'm still holding on, as certain things rather suggest, but school's getting hard to apply for. i wonder, is army still the route that i should be taking? i needa pray more.

spence