New year; Old day
2008. another day has passed, another year has arrived.
every year will be significant in it's passings; whether joyous, upsetting, etc, any run-in-the-mill experience is nonetheless memorable.
2007 brought about injuries galore. a back fracture, a stomach cyst, chronic migraines and injured knee ligaments. but despite everything, i'm still blessed with the full use of my body despite the physical pains i get from it. i won't allow any of these to do me in and i certainly will do everything in my power to ensure that i go on strong.
and then there were the family troubles. the words of that faithful night back in april still ring true and loud in my ears. i remember the things that were spoken to me by various individuals and even the accusations which i had to listen to. forgiven but not forgotten. every event moulds an individual and will ultimately change his perceptions. i don't think it has been any different for me. i admit an acute sense of coldness and even disgust to a degree but i try hard to ensure it stays buried in some deep crevice within the depths of my mind.
army has been another adaptation exercise. when they said that serving would change you, they certainly weren't joking about it. i haven't really had a decent conversation with anyone since i enlisted. 4 months into my army life has crushed my social life and left me with little intent to jump start it anytime soon. my dependance on human entities has been decreasing so rapidly that it scared even me. i've become so reliant upon myself that when i look at myself in the mirror in the mornings, i see only an decrepit soul beyond a pair of lifeless eyes.
i can barely hear an audible whisper coming from me sometimes and that little voice in my head just keeps getting softer everyday. sometimes i feel myself going blank and fading so deep into myself that i am afraid of collapsing under my own conscious mind. i don't even recognise my friends when i book out. everyone and everything seems foreign to me. and yet, i have to persevere and continue pushing on.
i haven't at all been too uneasy throughout my service and there are memories that i will definitely bring with me for the rest of my days. star gazing at nights with wayne, john and casey, is just one of the intellectual things i've learnt in there. buddies for these 2 years and definitely for more to come.
i've missed an awful lot of events this year. weddings, social gatherings, etc and i need to try and find the time to make it up to all these people. but through missing all these events, i've found myself growing closer to both my family and to God. funny it seems, especially since me going to church is like getting a UFO sighting in Singapore. but then again, my bible keeps me going strong when the pain strikes me down. it has taken 19 years for me to grow close to them but it's better than never. people will question how they've brought me up and even the things that they do but they're MY family, my blood, without them, i'm nothing. if i can't trust them, i can trust nobody.
2007 was a year of growing up. a year of maturing. a year of telling myself that i can make it, that people were depending on me, that i can depend on nobody but God and myself. pain is temporary, pride is forever. people come and go and i will probably end up as being another one of those guys. but i won't go down without a fight.
spence
every year will be significant in it's passings; whether joyous, upsetting, etc, any run-in-the-mill experience is nonetheless memorable.
2007 brought about injuries galore. a back fracture, a stomach cyst, chronic migraines and injured knee ligaments. but despite everything, i'm still blessed with the full use of my body despite the physical pains i get from it. i won't allow any of these to do me in and i certainly will do everything in my power to ensure that i go on strong.
and then there were the family troubles. the words of that faithful night back in april still ring true and loud in my ears. i remember the things that were spoken to me by various individuals and even the accusations which i had to listen to. forgiven but not forgotten. every event moulds an individual and will ultimately change his perceptions. i don't think it has been any different for me. i admit an acute sense of coldness and even disgust to a degree but i try hard to ensure it stays buried in some deep crevice within the depths of my mind.
army has been another adaptation exercise. when they said that serving would change you, they certainly weren't joking about it. i haven't really had a decent conversation with anyone since i enlisted. 4 months into my army life has crushed my social life and left me with little intent to jump start it anytime soon. my dependance on human entities has been decreasing so rapidly that it scared even me. i've become so reliant upon myself that when i look at myself in the mirror in the mornings, i see only an decrepit soul beyond a pair of lifeless eyes.
i can barely hear an audible whisper coming from me sometimes and that little voice in my head just keeps getting softer everyday. sometimes i feel myself going blank and fading so deep into myself that i am afraid of collapsing under my own conscious mind. i don't even recognise my friends when i book out. everyone and everything seems foreign to me. and yet, i have to persevere and continue pushing on.
i haven't at all been too uneasy throughout my service and there are memories that i will definitely bring with me for the rest of my days. star gazing at nights with wayne, john and casey, is just one of the intellectual things i've learnt in there. buddies for these 2 years and definitely for more to come.
i've missed an awful lot of events this year. weddings, social gatherings, etc and i need to try and find the time to make it up to all these people. but through missing all these events, i've found myself growing closer to both my family and to God. funny it seems, especially since me going to church is like getting a UFO sighting in Singapore. but then again, my bible keeps me going strong when the pain strikes me down. it has taken 19 years for me to grow close to them but it's better than never. people will question how they've brought me up and even the things that they do but they're MY family, my blood, without them, i'm nothing. if i can't trust them, i can trust nobody.
2007 was a year of growing up. a year of maturing. a year of telling myself that i can make it, that people were depending on me, that i can depend on nobody but God and myself. pain is temporary, pride is forever. people come and go and i will probably end up as being another one of those guys. but i won't go down without a fight.
spence
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posted by jams at 4:03 AM
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