extended youth camp

hi! im back from my youth camp at tekong! life's really good. God certainly has blessed me alot. well, i cant reveal too much here on blog as its in the internet. so if you wanna noe more, juz come up to me and ask me. ill tell you how blessed i am.

i went 'home' last night for the first time in 16 days. but it wasn't really home. i came to a new place. you see, i moved home after being enlisted. so the home i left for tekong is no longer the home i returned to. this place. its more foreign to me than my army bunk!

jay

JAMS

Jay Andrew Morgan Spencer

&

we have each other

sorry

sorry. i'm not myself.

spence

Untitled

You're all i want.

You're all i've ever needed.

Help me know You are near.

s

skinny or fat

i just watched a talkshow that was referring to the media playing an important role in promoting skinnyness which leads to annorexia and bulimia amongst women in today's society.

but i'm wondering, the media is run by people, people like you, like me. who work in an industry made to entertain, educate and inform the people. are they truly the ones to blame?

lets look into it.

personally, i know of guys who refuse to date girls who are any fleshier than those models on television. and i know of girls too who will lose that extra amount of weight, just to look good.

looking at that, it does seem as though men are the ones who define the beauty of women rather than women themselves right?

and yet, thinking of it that way seems as though they're taking a selfless route; satisfying other's happiness and 'lust' at the loss of their own health.

is it really a sense of security a girl needs such that they lose weight? does this security constitute to making others look at them in a positive light so that they too can then learn to appreciate themselves?

i know of beautiful, and i mean superbly, absolutely beautiful girls who are so bereaved of their confidence by others and honestly, its quite sad they need so much convincing of how beautiful they actually are.

i think what the media really makes us think is not that we're great people as we are, but we can always make ourselves better people. (looks wise) otherwise known as, "perfection".

there's this one line that i always liked. 'imperfection is true perfection'. the little moles or pimples, that bit of wrinkle or bit of baby fat, that's what makes us perfect individuals cause it shows our normality, our uniqueness, our individuality. US.

leave the annorexia and bulimia to the truly sick. leave the guys who look at you with disdain. someone once told me, :'if you keep calling someone fat just to make fun of them, be prepared to have a fat wife in the future'. we reap what we sow. how apt.

down to it, i've settled on one equation. lusty men + insecure women = men getting what they want + women suffering

its true that all this is diminishing slowly. but there are still so many women insecure with how they look and men who push women to get that 'desired' figure. perhaps it'll never end till guys get their egos deflated and women get uber confident. we shall see. =) we shall see.

s

emo post.

who more could you possibly please when you can't even please your own parents?

how can anyone entrust respoonsibility to you when you can't even be so at home?

God. save me. please. really. i do not know what i can do any longer. i'm starting to lose it.

getting a grip

to date, i cant come to terms with quitting.

i cant get a grip on what i allowed myself to do and the tonnes of paperwork i ended up getting stuck with. down to it, i dunno if i've failed someone close in particular, myself or worst, God.

but i question again, how can i fail God if He probably mapped this plan out for me? by feeling sorry for myself? by feeling lost and upset at how things have turned out? and then again, failing Him is not something i pride myeslf in doing. so what more can i be but contented, (and i mean true contentment from other things rather then some plastic outwardly expression of what one calls 'happiness'), unable to understand how things will work out, but knowing that they will eventually work out.

i have this funny new tuition student.. she's erm, taiwanese and i'm teaching her english, but she kinda erm, freaks me out a bit. am gonna needa get some english notes from jamEs to help me out. so if you're reading, msn me k?

i'm still holding on, as certain things rather suggest, but school's getting hard to apply for. i wonder, is army still the route that i should be taking? i needa pray more.

spence

me and my pink card

today marks the last week of my life as a civilian for the next 2 years. one year and 10 mths to be specific. im not really scared of army. i feel tt im rather fit. fit enough to be able to survive the training at least. tho' i think ive grown alittle fatter these past weeks. lolx. out field camps and marching under the sun. 24 click road march and not bathing for a week. i think i can handle tt. but i guess im rather bummed out tt ill be missing lots of stuff when i enter into the army. good bye easter play. good bye family camp and cebu. good bye my freedom. ill be sad when ive to book in and have to miss outing with my friends. ill miss soccer so much. hope i can play soccer in camp! or better, play soccer for my camp! lolx. ill do my best in my army. i dun plan to be veri outspoken or anything. but when given a task, ill give it my all! and wherever i get post to, may it be God's plan for my life.

with tt said, i also wanna say tt i feel im veri blessed with such great friends. i dun say ive a huge number of friends. morgan prob noes at least four times as many ppl than i do. but for the friends whom i have, they surely are dear to me. im blessed with a close circle of great friends whom i can count on anytime. then another circle of bros whom i can trust with my life. i have a circle of leaders, whom i can confide in. i can seek advice from them, and they watch over me. if you're one of those close to me, and you're reading this. i juz wanna tell you how much i appreciate you. thank you for making my life better. thank you for being such great friends and bros. i treasure each one of you!

Jams